


Creatures of the Night

by paranoidkitten (tornyourdress)



Series: Hot Gay Vampire Sex (of the Satirical Quiz Show variety) [1]
Category: Have I Got News For You RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-30
Updated: 2009-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/paranoidkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For many years, Michael Howard's vampirism was a running gag on HIGNFY. What few people realise is that the panellists had their own little secret...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Creatures of the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for [](http://jekesta.livejournal.com/profile)[**jekesta**](http://jekesta.livejournal.com/).

Few people knew that Michael Howard was in fact a vampire.

Many suspected it, of course, as there was a definite element of the supernatural in the Conservative Party, but few actually _knew_.

Fewer yet knew that he had sired Ian Hislop. That was a matter between the two of them.

_All he could remember was blood. Blood, everywhere. On his clothes. On his skin. In his mouth, making its way down his throat. So much blood should have made him gag. Would have made him gag before… before what? What was there before? _

Few people knew that the show _had_ to be filmed at night, because, of course, vampires are creatures of the night. They could function during the day, but night was when they really came to life – or unlife. Night was when they were sharpest, when there was an energy between them that made the show _work_.

_Ian had sired Angus. Angus had been hovering around him for weeks, trying to figure out just what exactly had changed, why he was different._

He had asked what was going on. Ian answered with a kiss. Sharp teeth, eventually making their way to his neck, and when Ian kissed him again Angus could taste his own blood. He felt dizzy. High. Spinning. Ian's teeth sinking into the skin of his neck and shoulder, his tongue lapping up the blood, and his hands snaking their way around his cock. Getting hard, moans muffled by another kiss, and as he tasted the metallic tang in his mouth, Ian dropped to his knees.

He felt feverish. "Don't . . . bite it," he managed to say. A nightmare, a crazy delusion. It couldn't be real, he told himself, as Ian ran his tongue over his cock before taking it into his mouth, and suddenly he wasn't worrying about those teeth anymore, just the wonderful wet warmth, the sheer sensation of it all, and how he felt like he was floating and drowning all at once.

When he awoke, Ian was there, and he knew he wasn't dreaming. From then on, everything was different.

Few people knew that Paul hadn't known what was going on. They all spoke in a sort of code. The word _vampire_ was never used. Never. Speaking that word aloud would be ridiculous. The whole thing was ridiculous. They chose to believe as little as they had to. The special code, the shorthand, meant that they never had to really address what was going on.

And Paul had been left out of the loop. It was easy not to think too deeply about his co-workers, easy not to analyse everything.

The clues were there, but he told himself that he was letting his imagination run wild.

_He had walked in on the two of them, bodies entwined. Angus thrusting into Ian, his hand wrapped around Ian's cock, his mouth pressed down on Ian's shoulder, lips bloodied. Ian's eyes closed and his mouth open and a primal groan emanating from his throat. He remembered the sound for months afterwards, the unrestrained moan enough to get him hard late at night, but no amount of frantic strokes ever resulted in that sort of sound coming from his own mouth._

He had stumbled across the truth that day, but it took much longer for him to accept it.  


Few people knew that vampires really didn't look that different from human beings. The differences were subtle; it was difficult to distinguish one just by appearance. Little things, like the sharpness of the teeth, might give it away, but no one got close enough for that to happen.

_They had joked about siring Paul. They wondered what he would taste like. And then one day, he had walked in on them. _

The three of them looked at each other for a moment. Ian and Angus, had they still been mortal, might have felt somewhat ashamed or embarrassed at being seen in this dishevelled state. Such a compromising position. But shame had disappeared a long time ago.

Still, they were relieved when Paul, instead of turning around and running out the door, moved towards them.

Three heads were always better than two, after all.

Few people knew that the presenter and team captains of the show were regularly engaging in what would probably be defined as kinky sex.

But that was the way they liked it.


End file.
